Trauma bonding can feel incredibly real.
Many survivors describe it as one of the most confusing experiences of their lives.
If you’re unsure whether what you experienced was love or trauma bonding, these signs may help bring clarity.
You may notice:
Feeling addicted to the person despite being hurt
Intense highs followed by emotional crashes
Constant longing for “how it was at the beginning”
Deep confusion about what’s real
You might find yourself:
Making excuses for harmful behaviour
Minimising your own pain
Blaming yourself for their inconsistency
Feeling unable to trust your instincts
Your body may experience:
Anxiety waiting for messages or contact
Emotional withdrawal symptoms when they pull away
Hypervigilance or constant overthinking
Exhaustion after emotional interactions
You may notice:
Returning even after deciding to leave
Feeling “hooked” despite knowing better
Craving closure you never receive
Hoping they will become the version you first met
Common trauma bonding dynamics include:
Hot and cold behaviour
Sudden emotional withdrawal
Future promises that disappear
Triangulation or emotional competition
Lack of accountability or apologies
If you recognise yourself in several of these signs, it does not mean you are weak.
It may mean you were caught in a powerful psychological and physiological loop.
Trauma bonds are not broken through willpower alone.
They are unwound through awareness, support, and nervous system healing.
And recognising it is the first step back to yourself.